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July 12, 2004

Why do range balls suck?

I love going to the range and hitting balls. I hate going to the range and hitting range balls. Do you get it? Here it is: RANGE BALLS SUCK! You've all seen them, you know what I'm talking about, those ugly things that feel like you're hitting a rock with big nasty red stripes all around them.


There should be a law against golf balls this ugly.

Practice for golf should prepare you for going out on the golf course. Standing over a ball with red stripes around it does not look anything like the ball I play when I'm on the course. I know the primary reason for these disgusting stripes is so cheap idiots won't steal them. I have a solution to prevent theft and to correct the red stripe dilemma that would make range balls much more enjoyable to hit.

Instead of stripes, why not put little catch phrases on range balls to prevent theft. Here's a sample of how they would read: I AM TOO CHEAP TO BUY BALLS SO I STOLE THIS ONE or I SUCK AT GOLF SO I'M PLAYING THIS CRAPPY RANGE BALL or I WEAR WOMEN'S UNDERWEAR BECAUSE I HAVE NO BALLS OF MY OWN. The list could go on and on, but you get the idea. Let's put somewhat demeaning phrases on range balls so they will not be stolen. Who would want their wife to see one of these balls in their bag?

This is a fairly simple solution to removing the ugliness from range balls. Once this problem is fixed I will figure out how to improve the quality of range balls. And to all driving range owners out there, under no circumstances buy the yellow balls with the black stripes. These are much worse than the red stripes, and no one in their right mind enjoys hitting yellow balls.

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

Slightly related, too good to not pass on:

On a golf tour in Ireland, Tiger Woods drives his BMW into a Petrol station in a remote part of the Irish countryside.

The pump attendant, who knows nothing about golf, greets him in a typical Irish manner completely unaware of who the golfing pro is. "Top of the mornin' to yer, sir," says the attendant.

Tiger nods a quick "hello" and bends forward to pick up the nozzle. As he does so, two tees fall out of his shirt pocket onto the ground.

"What are dose?, asks the attendant.

"They're called tees," replies Tiger.

"Well, what on the good God's earth are dey for?" inquires the Irishman

"They're for resting my balls on when I'm driving", says Tiger.

"Jaysus", says the Irishman, "BMW tinks of everyting..."

AmbiDextri said...

hey anonymous, i'm going to use that on my site, hope you don't mind.

but yeah three putt, i agree, the yellow balls are the worst. I love the shots that start off with a fade and then turn into a draw and then nosedive. Really helps me...

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1EightT said...

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wpb-2430FF said...

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Sports Junky said...

I agree,

I love European PGA. and recently I have bought stock in it. Not like real stock on Wall street, but a stock market that is strictly for sports.

You have seen it? Its pretty cool. You buy issues for your favorite golfers and you make real money. Not like a fake stock simulator. I cash out Dividends each time your golfer plays in a tournament. Also I can sell my players stock when the price goes up.

check it out if something like this interests you.
heres a link http://allsportstrading.com

This site has lots of data about dividends and game pots and golfers. It also has alot of information about how the market works.



See you there!
-Erik

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