Happy Halloween y'all!

Naughty Allie

Naughty Allie is a website with nude pix on a golf course. Nice pix, with several holes I would definitely want to play. NOT SAFE FOR WORK!

Kirk Triplett on Vijay Singh

"When Tiger was playing great, they wanted to know about Tiger. When Vijay is playing great they want to know about Vijay. I don't know Vijay. He's on the practice range, I'm goofing off. How am I going to get to meet him?" Kirk Triplett

I do find Kirk Triplett's comment amusing, but at the same time, why isn't Kirk Triplett out at the range more often? Perhaps you'd actually win more if you weren't such a goofy bastard Kirk. Hey Kirk: Perhaps you should follow Vijay's lead, after all, he is #1.

FINALLY!!!

Red Sox Nation can celebrate!!!

These will be surgically attached to my body.

Topless Golf

Topless Golf is a music group. I've never heard the music of Topless Golf, but I like the name and they've got a cool logo so what the heck. Here's their pitch from the Topless Golf website:

As seen in Playboy and on Howard Stern!
"Girls Gone Wild...on the Golf Course!"
"Golf, the way it SHOULD be played!"
"Killer tunes! Music as enjoyable as the visuals!"

If anyone has actually ever heard the music of Topless Golf let us know if it's any good or not.

Nude Golf

Nudity on the golf course is not something golfers are accustomed to seeing. The folks at Virginia National Golf Club near Leesburg and the Hope Valley Golf Course in Mount Airy, MD now have topless female caddies and beer servers.

So now that I've got your attention, here's the scoop, both courses were hosting tournaments on the same day that were sponsored by strip clubs. They don't actually have nude caddies or servers there all of the time. The TV show Inside Edition got word of the events sponsored by the strip clubs and had their helicopter circling the courses to get footage of the events.

Click here for a topless caddie Sorry it's kind of blurred this is the image that was on Inside Edition.

I love seeing a naked pretty girl as much as the next guy, but I have enough problems concentrating on the golf course. A nude caddie would definitely not help my game.

I played in a scramble

On Saturday I played at Palm Beach National Golf & CC ,which is in Lake Worth, in a scramble with some guys from work. The damn rain delayed play twice. And it's never that enjoyable playing while all of your clothing is saturated. I must be a moron for not having a rain suit in my golf bag. Then again, my umbrella did me a lot of good sitting in the back of my SUV while I was getting soaked.

None of us in the group played great, but we all hit the ball OK. We were never in danger of getting a bogey, but we didn't have any easy eagle putts either. We ended up at 9 under. Considering none of us were sticking our irons, our score was acceptable. There were two groups that finished at -17 and then my group which finished in third.

Palm Beach National is not a golf course I would pay to play. It's a rather short course and kind of boring. Palm Beach National's claim to fame is it's the home of the Joanne Carner Golf Academy for Ladies. That sends a message to me: Slow play, because there will be a bunch of old ladies out there.

I played the Brush-T for the first time. Honestly, I didn't notice a difference. However, I didn't hit any drives fat, I'm usually good for at least one fat drive a round. So I think the Brush-T could have a psychological impact on a golfer, if you think it will help you get off a tee, it may help you.

A couple hints for my readers regarding the Brush-T. Don't make the mistake I made. I showed the guys in my group the package it came in so they could read about the Brush-T. Every time I got onto a tee they would say "take out your bullet." (the bullet refers to the case the tee comes in) And then they'd just give me crap if I hit a good or bad drive saying it must be the tee. And if anyone out there wears the clip that comes with the Brush-T on your belt, you are a loser.

Golf humor...

One day an Irishman who had been stranded on a deserted island for over 10 years, saw a speck on the horizon. He thought to himself, "It's certainly not a ship."

And, as the speck got closer and closer, he began to rule out the possibilities of a small boat and even a raft.

Suddenly there emerged from the surf a wet-suited black clad figure. Putting aside the scuba gear and the top of the wet suit, there stood a drop-dead gorgeous blonde!

The glamorous blonde strode up to the stunned Irishman and said to him, "Tell me, how long has it been since you've had a cigarette?"

"Ten years," replied the amazed Irishman. With that, she reached over and unzipped a waterproofed pocket on the left sleeve or her wetsuit, and pulled out a fresh pack of cigarettes. He takes one, lights it, and takes a long drag.

"Faith and begorrah," said the man, "that is so good I'd almost forgotten how great a smoke can be!"

"And how long has it been since you've had a drop of good Irish whiskey?" asked the blonde. Trembling, the castaway replied, "Ten years."

Hearing that, the blonde reaches over to her right sleeve, unzips a pocket, removes a flask and hands it to him. He opened the flask and took a long drink. "'Tis nectar of the Gods!" stated the Irishman. "'Tis truly fantastic!!!"

At this point the gorgeous blonde started to slowly unzip the long front of her wet suit, right down the middle. She looked at the trembling man and asked, "And how long has it been since you played around?"

With tears in his eyes, the Irishman fell to his knees and sobbed, "Sweet Jesus! Don't tell me that you've got golf clubs in there too!!!"

Urinating on the golf course

Because men can whip it out and take a leak anywhere at anytime, does that make it OK to piss on the golf course? Although I'm a big fan of urinating when my bladder is full, I never piss on the golf course. Being somewhat paranoid of germs I can't imagine picking my ball up after completing a hole and then realizing it smelled like piss because some lazy moron took a leak and my ball rolled through it.

So although I am not a supporter of pissing on the golf course, here's a story for you regarding this very subject: I was playing golf back in high school with my friend Jason at Portland Golf Club, in lovely Portland, CT. The group behind us hit into us on the first couple of holes. Of course, we gave them the finger and yelled knock it off. We had teed off on the par four 5th hole, you have to hit a blind drive down a very steep hill to the green, and we were walking to the green when the idiots behind us hit into us again. So we chip on, drop our putts and finish the hole. I start walking over to my bag and start talking to Jason, but he's not there. I turn around to look for him and I see him standing over the cup in the middle of the green taking a leak.

As Jason and I stood on the 6th tee waiting for these jackasses to pick their balls out of the cup on the 5th green, we nearly pissed our pants in laughter. I'll never forget that story and I'll never forget the fun Jason and I used to have playing golf together.

The next time the group behind you hits into your group please remember this story. No Three Putts says go ahead and take a leak.

For you Yankee fans

eBay & Golf

I have never been a fan of eBay. I do enjoy browsing eBay, but I rarely purchase anything. eBay has a ton of golf stuff. Almost anything golf related you can think of is there.

I have friends that buy all of the latest golf equipment on eBay and they usually save about 50% off the retail price. I have no such luck. My luck on eBay is like this: I'll spend $200 thinking I'm getting this great new driver, when I get the package it turns out I just spent about $150 too much on a knock off of the driver I thought I was getting.

Maybe I am just eBay illiterate or something, but I am just so damn skeptical of purchasing stuff on there. I guess I'm just an eBay moron.

Play Golf America

Is it me or do the Play Golf America commercials suck? Not only do I think the commercials suck, the whole campaign sucks and the Play Golf America website also sucks.

Here's an article about Play Golf America and the $12 million ad budget used to promote golf. The biggest mistake of this campaign is the people they use to promote golf. Why in the hell would I equate playing golf with Mia Hamm as a spokesperson? She makes me want to kick a soccer ball, or Nomar's head, but Mia definitely does not motivate me to want to play golf. None of the 'celebrities' used in this campaign make me think of golf for that matter.

I'm not saying I don't think it's a good idea to promote golf. I just think this campaign was a waste of money. The PGA of America, who paid for this silly campaign, headquarters is about one mile away from my office. I could have easily come up with a much better campaign that would actually get golfers on the golf course. Hey PGA, if you need some help, send me an email.

Isabelle Beisiegel at Q-School

Isabelle Beisiegel has paid $4,500 to enter the PGA Q-School. She is the first woman stupid enough to think she will be able to qualify for the PGA Tour by entering Q-School.

I give Isabelle Beisiegel credit for trying to qualify for the PGA Tour and actually putting up her own money to do so. But really, what is she thinking? Isabelle had only one top ten finish this year as a LPGA Tour rookie and she failed to make the cut in her last 5 events.


Isabelle Beisiegel isn't that bad looking, but I wonder if she realizes just how difficult Q-School is. Good luck lady, you'll need it.

Sexy Natalie Gulbis Pix

Thank you to my friends at FHM for these great pictures of Natalie Gulbis.




Natalie Gulbis is by far the hottest LPGA golfer. Natalie gives me hope that other LPGA hotties will follow her lead and start showing some personality and making LPGA golf fun to watch. Or at least hopefully Natalie Gulbis will inspire other LPGA players to dress in a more visually appealing manner. If these women want bigger purses and more fans at the events, it's time to shorten the skirts, show some bellies and have some sex appeal. Natalie Gulbis, you are hot!

Hit Down Dammit!

Hit Down Dammit by Clive Scarff

I stumbled upon this damn site and thought I'd share it with you. I honestly have no clue if these Hit Down Dammit CD's are worth a damn, but I thought the name was funny enough so what the heck.

Here's their pitch:

Do You Hit The Golf Ball Fat?
Or just as often, thin?
With poor distance?
No matter how much you practice?
The answer: "Hit Down Dammit!"

Whether beginner or advanced, you will never reach your golf potential until you understand the principle and technique of hitting down at the golf ball.

The Stupid Bitch of the Month is...

She worries about the sounds of jackhammers, but yet she is smoking! WTF? There should be a law against people this stupid breeding.

Golfity.com

For those of you that like to over analyze ever single thing you do on the golf course and keep track of it Golfity.com is for you. Golfity stores, tracks and analyzes all of the data you write down on your scorecard: number of putts, fairways hit, greens hit... Click here to check out a sample of their stats page.

My favorite thing about Golfity.com is the golf course analysis. The way it works is you can input any course into their system, then anytime you play that course you enter your scores and the play by play of your round. Golfity then analyzes that course and how you play it. This to me can be helpful particularly if you tend to play a few holes poorly. You can plan some course management to improve your score.

I personally don't need more distractions on the golf course like writing everything down as I'm playing. I do track my putts, but I don't do anything with that info after the round other than add them up. I think Golfity.com is a useful site for many, but I don't think I'll ever use it.

Edwin Watts Golf Shop

Unfortunately my round of golf was cancelled yesterday and I had to work. That sucks, but I needed to get my golf fix somehow so I decided to go to Edwin Watts Golf Shop. Home of overpriced golf clubs, shoes, balls, apparel, etc...but it's fun to go there because I know they'll always have all of the newest equipment.

I just got the new Golf Magazine the other day and the feature story is a big comparison of putters. All of the latest and greatest from all of the manufacturers that you'd expect. The one I really wanted to check out was the new Ping Doc 17. This thing is huge, it's the John Holmes of putters. It's the largest regulation size putter on the market.

I took some putts with the Doc 17, the Scotty Cameron Red X and a couple of other putters. And although I liked the feel of the Doc 17, I don't know that I could ever get used to using a putter that is so big. I think I'll need to try one on the course before I buy one.

I did buy some of the Brush-T tees in the most neutral color they had, black. I also bought a dozen Titleist DT SoLo balls. I've never played the SoLo's so I thought I'd give them a try. With all of the golf gear they sell at Edwin Watts, which is obviously overpriced, it made me wonder why I don't buy clubs on Ebay and try to save a few bucks. I think I'll write about Ebay and my wonderful experiences there another day.

Golf Tees & More Golf Tees

Is there such thing as a better golf tee? In yesterday's Wall Street Journal there was an article about golf tees and how technology is improving golf tees. The new tees claim to help with aim and distance. I am skeptical, but I will be playing golf today, at Emerald Dunes, so I'm going to pick up some of these new tees and give them a try.

It's hard for me to believe that there are over 764 golf tee related patents at the USPTO. In case you didn't know the USGA has ruled that a golf tee can be no longer than 4 inches.

Here's a few of the new "high-tech" golf tees:
Brush-t

Slammer Tee

Aero-Tee

Not only are the new breed of golf tees coming in these crazy shapes, but they also come in many crazy colors as well. I'm going to buy a couple of these and see if I notice a difference. For me to try a new tee is a major task. I'm the type of golfer that won't play a colored golf tee and I'll never play a plastic tee. Hopefully playing a new type of tee won't put stupid thoughts in my head and mess me up. We'll see what happens.

I forgot to mention the Eco Golf Tee. This tee is made out of corn and will decompose after eight months. I would suggest not buying large quantities of these tees, if you don't get to use them they'll be gone. One benefit to the Eco Golf Tee is if you're hungry on the golf course you could always eat it. Which makes me wonder, if you eat a corn tee, will you have the pleasure of seeing it in a couple of days?

Go Red Sox!

It seems like just yesterday that bastard Aaron Boone hit the game winning homerun in Game 7 to screw the Red Sox once again. Let's hope this year the Sox can close the deal and make it to the Series.

If the Sox should lose, it will be because of someone with a name beginning with a 'B'. As in Curse of the Bambino. As in the three most dreaded 'B' words in Beantown: Bucky, Buckner and Boone. May all three of you pricks burn in hell.

GO RED SOX!!!

Professional Disc Golf Association

The other week the Wall Street Journal had an article about the popularity of Disc Golf. This article was about the Professional Disc Golf Association (PDGA) and how much this sport and business is growing. My first thought was, oh no, these damn frisbee throwers are going to try and take over our golf courses just like the damn snowboarders did to our ski slopes. And guess what, I was right.

Same crap, different sport. Here's a directory of golf courses that have been bastardized by these frisbee tossers. Granted there are many parks that offer this too, and that's cool by me.

The number of people playing disc golf surprised me. There are approximately 500,000 people playing on a regular basis nationwide on over 1,250 courses, up from 900 only two years ago.

I guess I'd play the sport if given the opportunity, it's not like I'll go out of my way to try this. Besides, I've never been very good at throwing a frisbee. Going to all those Grateful Dead shows in high school and college you would have thought I'd be much better at tossing one of those damn things. Hey, if you give me a hacky sack I can juggle it with the best of them.


To me, this will always be frisbee golf.

Chip Beck Shoots 59

Thirteen years ago today Chip Beck shot a 59 at the Las Vegas Invitational. Beck shot a 29-30, 13 under par. This round matched Al Geiberger's second round 59 at the 1977 Memphis Classic as only the second sub-60 round in PGA Tour history.

Of course a third player, David Duval, joined this elite club in 1999. David shot a 59 at the Bob Hope Chrysler Classic enroute to victory. It was reported that David also shot a 59 a few months ago on the back nine at Whistling Straits while playing a practice round.

Who's Your Rabbi?

Who's Your Rabbi? is a new website that No Three Putts launched last week. Check it out and let me know what you think.

You do not have to be Jewish to wear these tees, you qualify as an honorary Jew if:
1. You've ever seen an Adam Sandler or Ben Stiller movie.
2. If you've ever listened to Howard Stern.
3. If you ever ate a bagel.
4. If you've heard Madonna, um Esther, sing.
5. Said to someone "that's Kosher" at least once.

I'd like to ask my readers to help me out and forward a link to www.WhosYourRabbi.com to everyone you know. I am trying to get the word out about Who's Your Rabbi? to the media. If you know anyone at a newspaper, magazine, website or blog who might be interested in writing about Who's Your Rabbi? please tell them about the site. Also, if you know any celebrities who might be interested in wearing the tees please let me know.

Thanks for your help and for telling the world to buy these tees! There are men's and women's tees available in several colors and styles.

Vijay trys to help Tiger

What was Vijay Singh thinking? Perhaps Vijay was trying to give Tiger Woods a wedding present yesterday when he commented on why Tiger is no longer number one. "As you get older you have to keep adjusting to your golf swing, your body does not stay the same. I have adjusted for the better and I don't think he has done that" Vijay said.

It's rare to hear Vijay say more than a couple of words, but when Vijay speaks he usually says something stupid or somewhat inappropriate, although I usually find his remarks humorous. Right, Annika?

Singh went on to say "I think it's his body change. When he first came on the scene he was extremely strong. I'm not saying he's not strong now but you do slow down a little bit. The golf swing has to match your body ability."

"His body and his golf do not match like it did some five years or four years ago so he has to adjust that. I'm sure once he figures that one out he'll be okay."

I think Vijay has forgotten something, Tiger's swing has changed. Ask Butch Harmon if he thinks Tiger's swing has changed. It was very nice of Vijay to give Tiger this advice as a wedding present. These stupid comments are probably enough incentive for Tiger to practice his ass off and dethrone Vijay as number one.

Rodney Dangerfield forever funny

Yesterday, Rodney Dangerfield aka Al Czervik, passed away. Without Rodney Dangerfield, Caddyshack may have sucked. I saw Rodney in concert at The Bushnell in Hartford, CT when I was in high school. I almost pissed my pants that night. Of course Rodney was great in funny movies, but he really showed his wide range of tremendous talent by playing a loving husband and a caring father in the movie Natural Born Killers. I could go on and on rambling about how great I think Rodney was, but I won't. Instead here's a few pix of da man.



You'll be missed you funny bastard!

If Tiger & Elin get married...

If Tiger Woods and Elin Nordegren get married in Barbados this week, where do you suppose the bridal registry will be? I know it certainly won't be Wal-Mart. I doubt if they would go to Bed Bath & Beyond or Home Depot. Actually, the more I think about it, who cares.

When you get married in Barbados, where do you go on a honeymoon?

Is there any chance Elin's twin sister would be up for a menage-a-trois the night of the wedding?

Do you think Ernie, Vijay or Phil got an invite?

Do you think Steve Williams is going to steal the photographers camera?

And what would the perfect wedding gift be? Obviously, lessons from Butch Harmon.

Arnie's Army Battles Prostate Cancer

Arnie's Army Battles Prostate Cancer is a great cause and you can help! All you have to do is ask your local club pro to schedule a Par-3 shootout. All funds raised go to the Prostate Cancer Foundation. Prostate cancer is the most commonly diagnosed non-skin cancer in America. Every 15 minutes a man dies from prostate cancer in the US.

Call for more info: 1.866.586.5585 or checkout www.ArniesArmyBattles.com

Julia vs. Paris

Here's an interesting comparison of Julia Louis-Dreyfus and Paris Hilton. I must have been living under a rock, because I did not know that Julia's father is worth several billion dollars. Elaine Benes from Seinfeld is looking better than ever.

Golf Knickers

Yesterday, the Wall Street Journal had an article about golfers wearing knickers. Of course, the first thing that comes to mind when you think of knickers is Payne Stewart. The WSJ story talks about how golfers are looking to bring golf "back to the good old days."

I never see golfers wearing knickers down here in south Florida, but apparently golfers in cooler climates are wearing them. Web retailer GolfKnicker.com has doubled their sales every year since 2001 and this year should end with sales just below $1 million. WOW! That's a lot of half pants sold. It's not like knickers are cheap either, at $50 - $200 each, you really must want to wear knickers to buy them. The GolfKnicker site explains how to properly wear knickers, they sell matching socks, shirts, caps, etc...

I personally like the idea of knickers. Not because I think they are a fashion statement that will get you the ladies, but because you have to have balls to wear them. They scream "I could care less what you think, I'll wear these silly things if I damn well please."


Everything looks better with Hooters, even golf knickers.

Tiger & Elin are getting married

From what I've read, it appears that Tiger Woods and the lovely Elin Nordegren are getting married in a few days. Gee, I hope Tiger's back doesn't hurt too much, that would be a shame if No Three Putts had to fly to Barbados and help consummate the marriage on Tiger's behalf.

For all I know the Barbados Daily Nation could be similar to one of the rags you see at the supermarket checkout counter. Regardless, if Tiger and Elin are getting married in a couple of days, I have to wonder how long the marriage is going to last. I think she'll get bored with him. I give Tiger and Elin's marriage three years.

I want to get a copy of the pre-nuptial agreement. I wonder who gets their pet Stevie if the marriage fails.