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November 30, 2004

Big Boobs Golf

Have you ever noticed that when you do a Google Images search for - Big Boobs Golf - only one picture appears?

That's right a search for Big Boobs Golf produces one and only one picture. Mr. Phil "Big Boobs Golf" Mickelson.

November 29, 2004

My feet & Pearl Izumi

In the last week I've read two different golf magazines and both of them mentioned Pearl Izumi running shoes. Apparently Pearl Izumi sneakers are popular among tour caddies and some players as well. They made it into Golf Magazines Wish List for 2005.

These are the Push Plus model, they retail for $79.99.

I just might get a pair of Pearl Izumi's. Lately I've been into spoiling my feet with really comfortable shoes. I bought two pair of Johnston & Murphy shoes about 6 months ago and last month I got a pair of Puma sneakers. They are so damn comfortable.

I would definitely recommend these sneaks to anyone that wants to give their feet great pleasure. My feet say thank you everytime I put these on. It's amazing how little things like really comfortable shoes can make a guy happy.

November 28, 2004

More golf humor...

Two women are playing golf on a sunny afternoon when one of them slices her shot into a foursome of men.

To her horror, one of the men collapses in agony with both hands in his crotch. She runs to him apologizing profusely, explaining that she is a physical therapist and can help ease his pain.

"No thanks... just give me a few minutes... I'll be fine..." he replies quietly with his hands still between his legs.

Taking it upon herself to help the poor man, she gently undoes the front of his pant and starts massaging his genitals.

"Doesn't that feel better?" she asks.

"Well... yes... That feels pretty good," he admits. "But my thumb still hurts like hell!"

November 27, 2004

Mobile Golf Course

So I got a spam email the other day from someone at Mobile Golf Course. I guess they got my email address from some bulletin board that I'm a member of. Regardless, I thought I'd take their little survey that I was assured would only take a minute. Lucky for them the survey was very brief or I never would have wasted my time.

As for Mobile Golf Course here's the scoop: They have a mobile trailer with a golf simulator. You can have up to two foursomes at one time in the trailer and you can play on over 38 courses. Mobile Golf Course sells individual and corporate memberships and they charge hourly rates. I think this is a pretty cool concept. Call up a few buddies, have the trailer show up at your house and then play St. Andrews. Works for me. Good luck to the folks at Mobile Golf Course.

November 26, 2004

Titleist dumps Paul Casey

I guess Paul Casey is finding out that stupid Americans are smart enough not to want to sponsor his sorry ass. Titleist split with Paul Casey a few days after Casey stated that he hates stupid Americans.

Although Casey now states that he regrets he ever made those comments, he would not have said them if he didn't mean them. Just like when Fuzzy Zoeller made the racist comments at the Masters several years ago regarding Tiger Woods' dinner selection. He said it as a joke, but we all know that he's a bigot and meant it too.

November 25, 2004

Mickelson Shoots a 59

Well, what do ya know? Lefty still has some game left underneath those man boobs of his. Phil Mickelson has become the 5th pro golfer to shoot a 59. I don't think this great round had anything to do with Mickelson using Callaway sticks. I'd say it was just good old fashioned kick ass putting.

Results from the PGA Grand Slam of Golf:
127: Phil Mickelson 68 59
132: Vijay Singh (Fiji) 66 66
133: Retief Goosen (RSA) 65 68
145: Todd Hamilton 70 75.
Todd, Todd, Todd, what the heck happened?

November 24, 2004

TGC MakeOver Challenge

Ok, so I was on yesterday at lunch time. And what do I see? An ad for something called the MakeOver Challenge. I am in the process of signing up for this. I don't exactly know to expect if chosen for this golf MakeOver, but it can't be too bad that's for sure.

If any of my reader's happen to work at TGC or know anyone that does, tell them to look out for my application. I want to be on this show in a big way.

November 23, 2004


Police today warned all men who frequent clubs and parties to stay cautious when offered drinks by women. Females are using a 'date-rape drug' called "Beer" to target unsuspecting men. This drug comes in liquid form and is available nearly everywhere!

"Beer" as it is commonly referred to, is used by 'female predators' to persuade hapless male victims to go home with them. Women need only persuade a man to consume a few of these "Beers," and then ask him home for 'no-strings-attached Sex', .... a simple approach that renders most men helpless.

After several "Beers," men will have sex with even unattractive women. Often men awaken with only hazy memories of the night before, a horrible headache, and a vague feeling that something bad happened.

Some really unfortunate men are even separated from their life's savings in a scam called "a relationship!!" in extreme cases, females have entrapped unsuspecting males into long-term servitude through a punishment called "Marriage!"

Apparently, men are much more susceptible to this scam once "Beer" is administered. Forward this warning to every male you know! And, if you or some man you know, have fallen victim to this insidious "Beer" and the predatory women who administer it, rest assured,...male support groups exist in every major city where you can discuss the ugly details of your encounter in an open and frank manner with similarly affected, like-minded guys. For the support group nearest you, look in the Yellow Pages under "Golf Courses!"

November 22, 2004

Tiger wins in Japan

So Tiger Woods has won his first stroke play title in more than a year, who cares. This victory in Japan is worthless. Perhaps it's an ego booster for Tiger, but overall it means zilch. Who cares about this or any tournament played in Japan? I don't.

Heck, I'm starting to think about all of the turkey I'll be eating in a few days. Which leads me to my next question: If Iraq attacked Turkey from the rear, do you think Greece would help?

November 21, 2004

LPGA ADT Championship

So I went to Trump International today to watch the women play. I went there with pretty low expectations that I'd enjoy watching them play. So that being said, I actually had a good time. Those ladies can hit a golf ball. I just wish Kerr had won the playoff.

As I was walking up 16 with the leaders I realized I was walking right next to Donald Trump. Although he was inside the ropes and I was not. I'm glad to see that he was walking and not riding in a cart. I never realized just how large an ass Donald Trump has. Really, this thing is big. I guess that's why he is always sitting in the board room on the Apprentice so you won't see his huge ass.

The golf course itself is very nice. The pro shop of course had an entire section of Apprentice crap. How friggin cheesy is that? No one ever said that Trump had any taste. Who in their right mind is going to walk around in a You're Fired hat? I do have to admit that I bought a golf shirt. I swore I wouldn't even think about it, but there was this table with a bunch of golf shirts at 75% off. I happened to see a shirt that was a really nice shade of blue and I couldn't resist. Hey the shirt only cost me $20, wtf?

November 20, 2004

ADT Championship at Trump International

Tomorrow I'm going to the ADT Championship at Trump International. The only 'elite' golf course in the world that has a prison overlooking it. It's not a point that Trump or too many make known, but there is a prison that overlooks Trump's elitist snobatorium of a golf club.

I'm looking forward to seeing all of the gear that's available for sale. I don't plan on buying any of the overpriced crap with the egomaniacs name written all over it, but what the heck. From what I hear half of the gear is Trump International and ADT Championship oriented the other half is Apprentice and You're Fired crap.

It really is too bad that Natalie Gulbis only looks good on the golf course. If she could play, she would have qualified for this event and I'd get much more enjoyment out of the day by watching her. I'll be sure to sneak my camera in and get some interesting pix from the event to discuss next week.

November 19, 2004

Paul Casey Hates Stupid Americans

Paul Casey was recently quoted as saying he hates stupid Americans. Hey dumbass, didn't you go to college at Arizona State? Aren't you a resident of Scottsdale, AZ? Your girlfriend's American isn't she? Where's your coach from dipshit?

Hey Paul Casey, I've got an idea, since you hate us stupid Americans so much, why don't you stay f*#! off our tour!

November 18, 2004

ADT Championship at Trump International

Here's an interesting stat about the field at the LPGA's ADT Championship which is held down here in West Palm Beach at Trump International this week.

The field for the ADT Championship is comprised of the 30 top money earners of 2004.

Only 12 women in the field are from the United States.

Isn't that amazing? Holy domination by international golfers Batman. WTF?

I'll be taking me Dad out to the tournament on Sunday for his 65th birthday. Then we'll be having big fat steaks for dinner. The only crappy thing about Sunday is that Natalie Gulbis won't be playing.

November 17, 2004

I played golf today

Today I played in a tournament at my favorite public course Emerald Dunes in West Palm Beach. The tournament was pretty much your typical scramble. However, on one hole, a short par 4 you had to hit off the tee blindfolded. I had never hit blindfolded before, why would I, golf is hard enough with both eyes open. The first two guys in my group hit crappy shots that were not playable, the third guy hit a 5 iron about 140 yards. So I get up on the tee with my driver, get blindfolded and proceed to hit the ball about 270 yards! I couldn't believe it. It was amazing, I hit a perfect drive blindfolded.

The next interesting thing we had to do was play a yellow ball with our groups number written on it. We had to play the ball the entire round, or until it was lost, taking turns hitting the yellow ball. We had the ball for 16 holes, then sadly, yellow ball found the drink. I will never forgive Mike for hitting our beloved yellow ball in the water. Damn him.

There was also a putting contest where you had to hit the ball from 3 locations on the putting green earning points for each shot made. I royally screwed up and didn't make one damn putt.

As for the golf I was hitting the ball better than I have in a long time. I was getting off the tee great, fairway woods were rockin' and my irons were pretty good. The only area that I was not pleased with was my putting. I may have to go shopping this weekend for a new putter. I think the psychological impact of a new putter would help my putting tremendously. I used to be a really good putter, now I consider myself pretty good at best. Damn it, I'm No Damn Three Putts, I need to be a great putter!

November 16, 2004

Golf Hall of Fame gets Ugly

The ugliest professional golfer in the history of the PGA Tour, Tom Kite, was inducted into the World Golf Hall of Fame. Please don't get me wrong, I like Tom Kite, and he's a great golfer, but if there were a picture of ugly in the dictionary it would be of Tom.

Congrats to the others that were also inducted: Isao Aoki, Charlie Sifford and Marlene Stewart Streit. Charlie Sifford should have been inducted 30 years ago when the first class was inducted. He should not have had to wait until he was over 80 years of age for this.

CAUTION: Those with weak stomachs should not look below.

A previous rant on Tom Kite's ugliness.

November 15, 2004

Greg Norman signs with MacGregor

It's nice to see a golfer with some loyalty. Although Greg Norman isn't playing that much golf anymore he has continued his relationship of over 20 years with MacGregor.

Norman said the deal is proof he will continue to play after he turns 50 on February 10th. Greg said he expects to play around 12 tournaments next year, including the British Open and the British Senior Open. Greg will not be a regular on the Champions Tour, which both he and No Three Putts, still call the Senior Tour.

I respect Greg Norman's decision to continue playing with MacGregor clubs. He easily could have found another manufacturer to give him more money. Obviously Greg has class and plenty of money. Hey, Mickelson, perhaps you should take a lesson.

November 14, 2004

Tiger Woods moving to Palm Beach County?

There are rumors in my area that Tiger Woods is moving to town. His yacht, Privacy, is currently docked in this area and Tiger's been seen looking at real estate. My guess is he'll move to the new Jack Nicklaus course the Bear's Club. The Bear's Club is about 1 mile from my house, but I have yet to play there.

Here's a quote from Jack Nicklaus on the Bear's Club "It has been my desire and vision for 20 years to build a golf club that not only has my name on it, but one that also reflects my love and passion for the game. As the name implies, The Bear's Club is just that."

I hope Tiger Woods does move to the Jupiter area, that way I will hopefully get to see his hot wife Elin and her twin sister. Every town needs more hot Swedish nannies. Currently Tiger lives outside of Orlando in a development called Isleworth.

November 13, 2004

John Daly's wife pleads guilty to money laundering

Sherrie Miller Daly, the 4th wife of John Daly, has pleaded guilty to a federal money laundering charge. Her parents, Alvis and Billie Miller, were also indicted on charges stemming from what authorities said was a drug ring and an illegal gambling operation.

Like John Daly doesn't have enough problems of his own. Now we have to find out his wife, Sherrie, is also a problem child. I can't wait to see what type of problems Daly's next wife creates for him.

Here's a picture of the John and Sherrie Daly.

November 12, 2004

Golf Nut Society

The Golf Nut Society is an interesting group of "Hard Core" golfers. It's an interesting concept and amazing just how nutty some people can be about our beloved game of golf. Check out the stats on Bob Fagan the 2003 Golf Nut of the year. It's not surprising that Bob's single.

I like the Golf Nut Society logo, it's simple, but you get it. The cost of membership to the Golf Nut Society is a one year subscription to Golf Digest which is under $20.

November 11, 2004

Another Callaway Executive Resigns

It was announced the other day that Patrice Hutin, the President and COO, of Callaway Golf has resigned. I've been saying for month's that this company is in trouble and obviously this is true. Look what Callaway Golf did to Phil Mickelson this year. He is off to the best year of his career, he signs with Callaway and his season goes right down the toilet.

Good luck, Chairman and CEO William C. Baker, you're going to need it. Making Callaway Golf the company it once was is going to be like hitting a one iron, it's not easy to do, most people can't do, most people are not dumb enough to even try it, but someone out there can do it.

November 10, 2004

The 10 Factor

Here's some interesting numbers regarding yearly earnings starting at $10,000 x 10 x 10 x 10.

In 1937 Harry "Lighthorse" Cooper breaks the $10,000 barrier winning $14,138.

In 1963, 36 years later, Arnold Palmer wins 10 times more breaking through the $100,000 barrier winning $128,230.

In 1988, 25 year later, Curtis Strange breaks the $1,000,000 mark.

In 2004, only 16 years after Strange's $1 million season, Vijay Singh has won more than $10,000,000.

According to my calculations, in 2011, someone on the PGA Tour will win $100,000,000 in a season. Sounds crazy, but based on the 10 factor, it will happen.

November 09, 2004

Donald Trump the golfer

Donald Trump was playing golf with Jeff Immelt, the chairman of GE, at an MSNBC event on his Westchester course. On the par three sixth tee, Trump said "I'm the best billionaire golfer in the world."

Immelt came back with "I don't know for sure you're even a billionaire anymore." Then Immelt said "Trump turns around and gets a hole in one."

Who in the world has that kind of luck? To say something in such an arrogant manner about yourself and then to be so lucky and get a hole in one. Only friggin Donald Trump.

I've had a hole in one, but I don't know that I'll ever have a billion dollars. If I had a choice between the shot or the money, you bet I could go through life without ever having a hole in one. At least No Three Putts has a much nicer head of hair than Donald Trump. So take that Mr. I'm the Best Billionaire Golfer in the World.

November 08, 2004

Jimmy Walker: Nationwide Player of the Year

Jimmy Walker was named the Nationwide Player of the year. Jimmy Walker, the golfer, won two tournaments and led the tour with $371,346.

To congratulate Jimmy Walker on his fine season how can you say anything, but DYN-O-MITE.

November 07, 2004

Scandal at Hidden Valley Golf Club

Here's a funny article about: three people that were sentenced for events mixing golf and prostitution. Some players even left clubs at home.

It's not often that I'm left speechless, but this is just too funny to even comment on.

November 06, 2004

Pirate Golf

Every married man needs to read this important message from Pirate Golf.

Pirate Golf is another brand of "alternative" golf wear. Their catch phrase is "outlaws on the fringe."

Pirate Golf gear looks much better with the girls from Topless Golf wearing it. N'yar Matey!

November 05, 2004

Tattoo Golf

Tattoo Golf offers some pretty cool golf gear. They call their gear - aggressive golf apparel. I call it "golf gear with an attitude." Tattoo Golf sells a bunch of different golf apparel: hats, visors, shirts, t-shirts, towels....All with tattoo inspired logos.

I personally do not have a tattoo, nor will I ever have one. I don't think there is anything wrong with tattoos, they just ain't my thing. So why even bother writing about Tattoo Golf on my blog? Because I like what Tattoo Golf is all about. It's about guys with tattoos that are proud of their ink. They also happen to like golf. They have taken two things that they are passionate about and formed a business. I say good for you. It takes some balls to start a business.

I hope I start seeing Tattoo Golf more often. It's time for golfers to loosen up their collars. I'm sure these guys get plenty of rude glances from too many stuffy golfers who are scared because of a few tattoos.

November 04, 2004

Mianne Bagger - transsexual golfer

Mianne Bagger, a 37-year-old Dane, became the first transsexual golfer to qualify for the Ladies European Tour. The Ladies European Tour changed its rules this year to eliminate the "female at birth" in its membership policy. The rule change put the golf tour in line with International Olympic Committee regulations.

Here's a definition of transsexual. I was all confused: transsexual, transvestite, transtesticle...what's the difference.

Congratulations to Mianne Bagger. It takes some balls, pun intended, to be so open about yourself. Below is a picture a Mianne Bagger, the transsexual golfer.

A transsexual golfer on the Ladies European Tour, how nice. Next thing you know there will be lesbians on the LPGA Tour. Have you ever noticed that all of the women that shop at Home Depot look like they could play on the LPGA Tour?

November 03, 2004

Tom Lehman: Ryder Cup captain

Congrats to Tom Lehman on being named the captain of the next Ryder Cup. I've always liked Tom Lehman as a player and as a person. Compared to today's players Lehman has a good Ryder Cup record of 5-3-2. This includes a record of 3-0 in singles matches.

Losers who did not become Ryder Cup captain:
Larry Nelson
Paul Azinger
Corey Pavin
Fred Couples
No Three Putts - don't know how I was overlooked!
Mark O'Meara

I hear that Tiger Woods is upset that Mark O'Meara didn't get the job. Too friggin bad. Get over it you big cry baby. It's not all about you and what you want. Besides, O'Meara will get the job one of these days.

November 02, 2004

Darren Clarke screwed up with class

Last week at the Volvo Masters held at Valderrama, Darren Clarke was a co-leader during the second round when he got up to the tee at the par five 17th hole. Darren Clarke ended up with a six-over 11 on the 17th hole. He put the ball into the water guarding the front of the green 3 times.

A cell phone went off twice while Darren Clarke tried to hit the green. Clarke was quoted as saying "the phone was not a factor."

I say "good for you Darren Clarke!" It's great to hear that a player of your caliber is not blaming other's for your misfortunes. As a professional you should be able to handle these minor distractions. Granted it does not make them right, but you handled this one like a class act.

I can only imagine what Tiger Woods would have done if a cell phone went off while he was swinging, twice nonetheless. Actually, I do know what Tiger would have done. First he would have had his moron caddie Steve confiscate the phone and throw it in the water. Next Tiger would have complained for a week about how rude the Europeans are and how the cell phone distracted him, blah, blah, blah.

November 01, 2004

Kombi Power Point Thumb

For the first time ever I saw an ad in my local newspaper, the Palm Beach Post, for a golf glove. The ad was for the Kombi Power Point Thumb golf glove. The spokesperson for Kombi is long ball driver Sam Holdridge.

Kombi Golf Glove has some sort of patented Power Point Thumb which gives you unsurpassed club feel. I have never really put much thought into the technology that goes into making a golf glove. I buy the usual Footjoy glove every time and that's it. I don't think the ad in the paper for Kombi has convinced me to buy their product, but I think the next time I need a glove I'll try out a few brands and see if there is much difference between brands.

Perhaps I'll try a Kombi glove if I see one, but I am sure I won't be buying a Kombi golf glove because Sam Holdridge uses them. I am convinced there is no way in hell a golf glove will give me more distance off the tee.

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