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July 26, 2004

Golf Lingo

The other day I was thinking about golf lingo. I said to myself, "self, why don't you think of some hip golf lingo." So being the hip cool guy that I am, I decided to come up with some golf lingo using celebrities names. Here's a few...

You hit the ball fat. Instead of saying "damn I hit that fat." Using No Three Putts golf lingo you'd say "damn that was a Rosie O'Donnell."

If you hit a horrible shot that is just ugly, that's a Tom Kite.

A shot that comes up short is a Danny Devito.

A great drive that you hit long and hard that's a Ron Jeremy.

You hit a ball really thin, but it still looks pretty damn good, that's a Paris Hilton. For those of you that saw her infamous video you could also use her name if you hit a shot that sucks.

You hit a great shot that is just killer, that's an O.J. Simpson.

If you hit a lot of hooks, you're obviously a hooker, instead I'd call you a Heidi Fleiss.

If you're playing with someone that cheats, he's a Martha Stewart.

When someone just totally chokes, instead of saying "ha you choked loser". Why not say "ha you did a David Beckham". I have still not forgiven the Brits for calling Todd Hamilton an obscure pub question.

You hit one in the bunker and it's hiding in the sand like a scared little girl, that shot would be a Saddam Hussein.

You play with someone that lays up instead of going for it like a man, he's an Elton John.

When a putt lips out, that's a Mick Jagger.

And for those of you that actually want to see a "real" list of golf lingo here's a fairly thorough one. Any of you out there that think you are funny, by all means please post a comment, I'd like to see this list grow.


Golf Grouch said...

How about when your buddy insists that your lost ball is in a certain area and you look thoroughly in said area, but you still don't find it, you say he pulled a "G.W. Bush"?

Anonymous said...

How about after bad hole, you cry and protest and ask for a recount.. Call it a Gore.

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Couch Potato said...

"Help me if you can I'm feeling down" - I also think I must be lost.

I was searching for Elvis and somehow ended up in your blog, but you know I'm sure I saw him on the golf course yesterday. Now this is strange because usually I see him in the supermarket.

Honest really, last time I saw him there he was right in front of me, next to the steaks singing "Love me Tender".

He said to me (his lip was only slightly curled) "Boy, you need to get yourself a shiny, new lcd tv to go with that blue suede sofa of yours.

But Elvis said I, In the Ghetto nobody has a lcd tv .

Dude I'm All Shook Up said Elvis. I think I'll have me another cheeseburger.

Then I'm gonna go home, put ma dancin' suit on, munch me some uppers and freak out to that maaaaaaaaad surfing scene in Apocalypse Now on ma lcd tv .

How cool is that boy?

And then he just walked out of the supermarket singing. . .

"You give me love and consolation,
You give me strength to carry on "

Strange day or what? :-)

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